Like this:

Every single overnight in SWF.

Every one.

Of course the moment I made it known that I’d prefer another room my crewmates rushed to ensure I ended up in 101. Blows were exchanged more than once. Fnarr.

At this particular hotel our airline had six rooms reserved on a permanent basis. Three for the early crew and three for the evening trio. Someone had the idea to assign the same six rooms to the crews every night. So it was that we had rooms 101-103 and 201-203. This was the only hotel in the system to do this and it bothered me.

If I could choose one world to describe this establishment it would be ‘Beige’. The kind of anonymous and close to the airport gaff favoured by hookers and serial killers…and flight crews. A cursory glance at the sign in sheet (usually in the van) would tell us who had been in the room previously. No need to send the pubes left in the bath/sheets/coffee pot off to the lab for DNA analysis. It’s a bit tedious to turn in for the night only to find a note from the previous occupant halfway down the bed. ‘If you are reading this then they haven’t changed the sheets HAHAHA’. Disturbing enough but when you consider the time and effort taken to cut all the letters of the note out of porno mags you find yourself reconsidering the Jacksonville round you picked up with that captain at the end of the month.

How do I know they were porno mags? Well not anxious to find out what else was left on those sheets I elected to call Housekeeping for new ones and wait for them on the recliner. I lean back and try to lift the footrest with the handle but no joy. I get a bit more physical with it and I feel something shift in the innards of the chair. WTF? Over. Once more with the handle and finally the footrest lifts… while at the same time a veritable cascade of pornography flows out of the chair.

So there I am. On my knees next to the recliner with an array of mutilated stroke books(There were a few videos too.) fanned out around me. Precisely when the door opens to admit the housekeeper and my new sheets.

I wouldn’t have minded it as much if I had gotten some benefit from that particular smoking gun

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