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Imp Of The Perverse? *


So here we are once more. I swore I’d never do this again. Like the shivering,sweating junkie reflecting on all the failed promises of rehab. Like the ER nurse who just can’t give up the fags and who knows better than most the consequences of the addiction.Like a regional airline pilot doing the 4am bag drag while ‘Living The Dream’. Like a male Praying Mantis with the goo on him for a shag.I just can’t leave it alone.

For the last fortnight or so I’ve been on the horns of a dilemma. Real First World problems to be sure but in need of resolution none the less. One one shoulder I had the angel of Nursing. In pristine white and with voice angelic she beckoned me to a secure career with decent money and seemingly limitless opportunity. On the other shoulder lounged the smoke wreathed demoness of Aviation. Clad in a shabby,oil stained leather jacket she cackled at me as she sparked another fag.Shrugging her shoulders she offered me a bleak vista of unrelenting hard work,low pay,endless flight time building and instability.

For most people this would not be much of a dilemma. Then again most people wouldn’t have to choose between such disparate occupations. I’m not like most people though. Not in any cool sense you understand. More of a spacker,imbecilic swimming against the stream sort of way. Imagine a Liz Lemon as uncool as Jack Donaghy imagines her to be and you’d be in range. It all then came to a head when I was confronted by my old enemy Stephenie Meyer Algebra. I decided to take an insanely compressed Algebra ‘boot camp’ that hosed 16 weeks of madness at us over 4 days with a placement test for college maths at the end.

I was losing sleep over this. It was ridiculous. So for the first time in my life I acted like an adult and looked at the pros and cons of the two degree paths open to me.Now I should point out that I had done so a couple of weeks prior but it wasn’t an honest assessment.I was ignoring certain realities in order to sway my decision a certain way. Not the biggest of issues if you’re an 18 year old heading off to your first year of college but of bigger concern to a 40 year old woman with kids and a job.My approach this time was exhaustive and even scientific (there were spreadsheets involved)and looked into every detail.Tuition,housing,work/school schedule,commuting,credits from previous courses,job prospects,applicability to current employment,pre-requisites and what was in my heart of hearts.

In my previous effort I had gone to great efforts to ignore that last factor.I wanted this to be a decision based on pragmatism. When I did allow it in it became the final,most satisfying,piece of the puzzle. All of my other questions were answered in the loud ‘click’ of the puzzle piece locking into place.

Nursing was only ever going to be a Second Prize.

*With apologies to Neal Stephenson


4 responses to “Imp Of The Perverse? *

  1. lol. the older you get the more risk you got to take to try and make the most of life

  2. Seamus

    A few enjoyable years of trying to write after a lifetime of shite being flung can make a man wipe his mouth, pack his pencils and turn his back on trying to “fit in”. Misanthropy aside, there are one or two people who have made the time pass quickly with their zest and bravery in fighting the greatest enemy of all…. life.

    Dev, acceptance is a quality you have pressed upon me.To you I raise my glass, all be it a few years away.

  3. As above dollface.

  4. divneymathers ⋅

    Ahh so this is what you’ve up to, the horns of a dilemma indeed!

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